Bravo to all who are willing to work on Orgasm Control! As a student of Tantra, I continue to learn about how a few simple "exercises", breath work plus being aware and present with your body can really enhance orgasm. I think it is very noble of you to care about your control because ultimately that leads to more sex for everyone involved!
Your "Awareness Homework"
Part 1: Kegels are not just for WomenThe muscle contraction that stops the flow of the urine stream is called a kegel. Strengthening the pelvic wall muscles will definitely give you a better idea of how your body works and improve your control. Once you have experimented by stopping the flow of urine, (experimenting in the shower is probably best) you will get an idea how to isolate the penis muscles from the anal muscles and be able to zero in on which is which...then you can do the contraction of muscles without urination just about anywhere anytime. Contract and hold the muscles for three seconds, relax for three seconds, and repeat 10 times. Do this as much as you can everyday and you will be amazed at how it improves your love making. I know women who do their kegels while commuting to work everyday.
Part 2: Stop and Start Method or "Edging"
You need to find some quiet relaxing time that you can masturbate alone with your favorite lubricant and without rush. Start by taking a few long deep breaths. Your goal is to relax the urge to orgasm not suppress it, and to find your "point of no return".
Start masturbating slowly, paying attention to your breathing, all the feelings going on in your body/mind and how warm energy is moving through you. Do you tense your thighs or abdomen? Will relaxing them relax the urge? Will breathing slower pull you back from the edge? Do you get a tingling feeling just prior to ejaculation?
Now bring yourself to the edge, then stop, take a few slow deep breaths, allowing the urge to subside gently. Start again, taking your time, work up close to climax. Stop and Relax. Repeat 3 times before climax, then next session repeat 4 times, and so forth until you are feeling very confident of your control.
Do this often! ☺ It will truly help you gain control and know your body better. This should make for an explosive and intense orgasm, well worth the wait!
"When men surrender to receive feminine energy, both men and women are strengthened. " - Mark Whitwell, author of Yoga of Heart: The Healing Power of Intimate Connection
Next step is to up the ante by adding another person into the formula, say someone like Me... This will make you more excitable and you will need to actually communicate verbally with your partner when you are close to climax and need to stop. Agree on a word or two, like "Easy" to back off or "More" to start again, because forming sentences could distract your mind enough for a climax to happen before your ready. Keep in mind we are still talking manual stimulation, because the vaginal environment is a whole other ball game that you are working up to.
In an Orgasm Control Session with Me, we could spend the entire hour practicing the start and stop method, with me adding in more or different stimulation to create a challenging situation!
...Patience, Practice, Breathe and Receive...So often men have to work on just the act of receiving because you are generally geared towards giving or being the assertive one. So relax and find out how healing it is to just receive pleasure.
Simple Breath does so much... it brings us to the present, it releases tension, we become more mindful of our body. Breathing slowly and deeply can help with relaxing the point of no return. When orgasmic tension starts to build make sure not to hold your breath, this could lead directly to ejaculation. Sometimes taking shallower in-breaths and deeper out-breaths (like blowing out a birthday candles) will diffuse the tension. Find what works for you.
I hope this helps because there is no one right way to develop orgasm control, but by experimenting with a combination of relaxing key muscles, breathing, being present in your body and maintaining communication with partners, you can develop a style that works for you.
Think about coming to see me and we can work on this together!
Namaste'
